How to Explain to Children About Parents separation
Often during separation of parents, children are usually left in the sidelines as many parents assume what they are going through is strictly between them.
Sometimes some rightfully assume that the children should be in the know how.
However explaining to children especially of a tender age is never an easy thing. This often leads to too much unnecessary information being divulged or too little.
Things to consider before explaining to children about separation
As difficult as separation is difficult for adult, this is reflected and amplified in children. This should be the first thing one should consider. At such a young age children tend to assume that the unfair happening around them is directly caused by them. This line of thought in children should be discouraged.
How much is too much
Children are the neutral party in everything. Explaining to children everything regarding the cause of the situation is a bad idea as they will form prejudice and preference for one parent and thus hate the other.
As the hurt parent garnering support against the other partner won’t help especially in cases where joined custody of the children is granted, it will make things just harder.
So how much is too much
Well the intimate sexual lives of either partner especially the one in the wrong should not be up for discussion.
At the end of the day they are children and have no connection to what their parents did.
This also involves not inputting personal opinion and hurt feelings when describing another partner.
Children read between the lines and will mimic the parent’s emotions as a form of loyalty without even knowing. With courts having played a major part in the decision of separation, when explaining to children do well to leave out what the court said unless it directly affects them; that is custody issues.
However in this try to remember that they don’t have to know everything, if its visitation rights, tell children that and the other parent, though not present will be visiting as often.
One thing to remember though is that this whole scenario changes in the case of domestic violence where the child was a victim.
Explaining in clear terms that the other parent cannot and won’t be able to hurt them would actually do good. However as they are children guilt feelings may still linger and reassurance of it not being their fault is necessary
How to go about it
Have an official sit down with children and explain that as parents you won’t be living together anymore. Listen to the concerns and reassure that it’s not the child fault. As parents remember that this sit down is where you reassure children of love for them. This will limit periods and tendencies of acting out due to attention. If co- parenting is going to be a feature, ensure that even if different rules apply in different houses, parents are still in charge and soon children will be able to come with everything better.